Conflict
Thursday, February 21st, 2008“[Boss of sorts],
I’m sorry but I don’t feel good about my decision about the new schedule. I already did two compromises to accommodate [turd of a coworker] but I’m tired of making compromises just to avoid conflict. Can we meet again?
RD”
I didn’t send out this email. But I wanted to. I thought I was fine with my decision but the more I thought about it that afternoon the angrier I got. I didn’t wanna continue causing inconveniece but on the other hand none of my interests were met. I know I’ve already established myself as the most problematic person in the office, and I quite frankly wouldn’t care if it wasn’t affecting me negatively.
This time it’s not the people. It’s the nature of the work. But because of the work my relationships with people suffer too much. I mean we’re not a great team at all, but they’re OK. Boring (obviously - since they don’t mind working these jobs) but OK. I’ve been on a better team in the past, and I’ve enjoyed another job more (I mean I’ve enjoyed another job, period), and I’ve had the shittiest of managers, so I know for sure it’s not the people - it’s the job.
Of course, it’s me, too. I’m too proud to leave. I become a bad communicator when I’m frustrated and tired. But I need the money no matter how cliche this sounds. It’s not a lot of money though. I’m not sure if the amount of time I spend there wasting my time and feeling miserable justifies the amount of money they give me. Probably not.
I have a big problem accepting the way people are perceived in this kind of environment. Like some living resources for getting some boring shit done. That’s even what it’s called: Human. Resources.
I have to admit I bullshitted a lot at the interview. They asked me very specific questions about experience with excel. - “Yes, I do have a lot of experience with excel! *enormous grin*” They asked if I have experience with databases. - “I do have some experience but I’m SURE *enormous grin* that I’ll be able to do whatever you guys need me to do with databases *enormous grin* and I’m so excited to be given the opportunity to enhance my database skills EVEN MORE! *32-teeth-reveal” I was almost jumping up and down on my chair with fake excitement at this point… Unfortunately, I’m not able to act for more than half an hour per week.