Revolting Door

I know some people/women are craving babies, some are craving men. I’m at that point in life where I’m craving a home. A beautiful, cozy, homey, tasteful space to call mine. In a decent neighborhood. In a relatively warm city. A place I look forward to coming back to when I’m tired; not a shithole I despise coming back to even when I’m tired.

I realize that there’s more to it than a home. There is friends, there is a meaningful job… But the home is what I have on my mind mostly. And what irritates me is that right now I have no idea how to achieve this dream.

No matter how well you do something, no matter if you’re the guru of Flash or the king of foreplay, if you’re not consistent with it, people don’t take you seriously or are eventually disappointed in you.

So what if I can do the most amazing, classy, graceful website if I want to, but I do it once a year, and every time the mood strikes me to do it, I spend weeks relearning Dreamweaver and Flash. Not to mention the frustration of something once learned and then forgotten.

And what if you’re the most romantic, caring, understanding and sweet person whenever the mood strikes you but the mood strikes you few times a year. How do you deal with the emptiness of something once had and then lost.