Revolting Door

It’s been 6 months and a half since I moved into my new home; it’s been 6 years and a half since I moved to the US.

Stuck in a rut since December, being unable or unwilling (not sure which one) to find a job in my field. December was fun, I allowed myself a month of partying, going out, having fun, even going to Florida. January, after 4 months without a relationship, 8 months without sex and like 6 years without love, I finally allowed myself to start seeing some guy. Needless to say, a disaster ensued, as usual, but at least I got reminded how terribly sweet it feels to like someone again. I give myself until March 7th to get over this asshole, or I don’t know.

Mom and dad want me to go home in spring. I kinda do want to be there for my dad’s big 6.0 too. But I don’t feel like flying an ocean, I don’t feel like paying a grand, and I certainly don’t feel like coming back to the US for a job I don’t have.

I’ve been thinking about *changing* directions versus *shifting* directions lately. It is essentially the same thing, only *changing* sounds more harsh, while *shifting* conveys a sense of something smoother, a process less painful.

My room smells like rotting food remnants and I have to take out the trash.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
– Kahlil Gibran

My blog just scored as an ISFP:( That last post totally blew it… Damn!

Me, my housemates and neighbors have collectively received over twenty parking tickets in the last month. The amount of which sums up to something I could easily live on for a year. They’re lying in, waiting for some naively optimistic idiot to leave their car somewhere for a MINUTE and they attack the windshield writing a ticket and disappearing so fast you literally can’t understand how that’s physically possible. So if you leave your car in front of the butcher shop to go in and get a piece of meat, you should be on the prowl the entire time you’re there, looking at your car over your shoulder and being ready to run outside and beg at the first site of a cop. Or if you leave your car overnight somewhere that seems safe and allowed they would still find a reason to give you a ticket making some retarded made up case beyond your control. Like a snow storm you didn’t know about. Or an unannounced time frame. Or your recently discovered illegitimate child… They make you curse their guts, curse your own guts and stupidity, but it’s really not you who are stupid, because, where the hell are you supposed to leave your car, and how are you expected to be able to use your car and drive it around, and what’s the purpose of owing a car at all if there is NO place to park it OTHER THAN YOUR OWN GARAGE. But really, someone’s gotta pay for their Hawaii vacation. I understand that.

There are some mistakes we have to make otherwise we wouldn’t know it was a mistake, and we would’ve made it anyway because we didn’t know it was a mistake until we made it.