Revolting Door

I spent hours today talking and texting back and forth with friends, some current and others long forgotten, latently existing in my network only through the memory of my cell phone address book. It made me think about this network I have built for myself here in the United States in the past six years, going on seven. There have been times of despair, and times of happiness, and a lot in between. I remember the lowest moment when the only thing that kept me from jumping off the bridge in the freezing Chicago river one night in January was the thought of my parents. But I also remember the numerous times of bliss and joy , the kind of times that remind you that moments like that are worth living and waiting and going through all the other crap despite of it all, and I have to say that the highs outnumber the lows by far. Every time I think about something bad that has happened, instantly I realize that out of it came something good, every time, no exceptions. For example, walking back from Walgreen’s at 1AM last night, pack of earplugs in my hand, I realized that it would never cross my mind to go and get earplugs to protect my ears from our loud Thanksgiving guests this year if it wasn’t for the seven horrendous months of sleep-deprivation I went through last year. If I hadn’t had the humiliating receptionist job last year I would’ve never met a couple of great people who might turn into life-long friendships. If I hadn’t gone to business school I wouldn’t know that not all of these people are heartless, inhumane, dollar-sign-eyed monsters. And if I hadn’t gone through the incompatible semi-functional two-year-three-month-long relationship I went through, it would probably take me another X number of years to learn to appreciate myself and not settle for anything less than what really, inherently makes me happy.

On a final note, I have a Master’s degree as of yesterday.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone…

Everyone in my household is depressed and irritable today, including the cat. Relative to everyone else, I feel like the happiest person! Who would think…

This morning, as I walked out of my room, I noticed what A had written on the white board on the fridge “Recession = Depression = 37″ (his age) Trying to disregard this joyous morning start, I headed for the bathroom only to run into S who was crying. A and S are a brother and a sister.

Five minutes later M (who is usually happy) got irritated at me because *he* couldn’t understand what *I* was saying. Followed by a cranky F trying to bite my ankles.

Surprisingly I feel hopeful this morning, typing this in a room bathed in sunlight.

I wrote the lamest homework last night. Then I sent the most retarded message to a person I don’t even know - an art director in a big company in the city. I like your work, here is my work, why don’t you hire me. Wtf. Sometimes I really forget I don’t live in an ideal world and act on impulses that would normally contribute to the plot of a mediocre romantic comedy but not to real life.